Kelly Monster

Just in case you were wondering what I wanted for my next birthday, this is it.

Orange, please.

Thank you Vat19.com for making a dream become a reality.

A Gummy Bear Vision Come To Life

Twin Peaks was only on the air for two seasons, but it is by far one of the best shows to ever grace the small screen.

I knew very little about this series going into it, all I knew is that David Lynch co-created it with Mark Frost. I am a HUGE David Lynch fan, so I was excited to say the very least.

The series is about a small town in upstate Washington called Twin Peaks. Just like a lot of small towns in David Lynch stories, this small town is far from quiet and peaceful. Twins Peaks has quite the seedy underbelly: Drug trafficking, prostitution, murder, adultery–You know, just your average small town life.

The pilot episode is by far the best episode of the entire series. When we first arrive in Twin Peaks, we find out that a girl named Laura Palmer has been raped and murdered, wrapped in plastic and dumped in the lake. When she is discovered, special agent Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) of the FBI has been brought into help the local sheriff, Harry S. Truman (yes that’s his real name), with the case. Of all of the creative choices David Lynch made in this series, the casting of Kyle MacLachlan is the decision that I support the most. My heart melts whenever he is on screen, which is a lot. Hottie alert!

But back to Laura Palmer, her mysterious death has caused quite an upset in the town. Such an upset that almost everyone reacts the same way when  they find out she is dead. Hmmm, it’s a little hard to explain. Let me show you.

Gotta love David Lynch.

Once you get into Twin Peaks you’ll be hooked forever. You’ll become a regular Twin Peaks junkie. I know I am. You will do anything to find out what really happened to Laura Palmer, you’ll fall in love with all of the characters (Even David Lynch makes an appearance, greatest cameo ever!), and after you watch all of the episodes you can–you’ll be begging for more.

That is why I am so glad that David Lynch didn’t stop at the series. He made a prequel movie called Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. It’s great for Sheryl Lee, who played Laura Palmer, because she was kind of dead the entire series. Not a whole lot of acting room for her there. But in Fire Walk With Me, we get to see Laura Palmer live her last seven days on this earth before she dies. What a wild child! I thought I sort of got an idea of what she was like through Twin Peaks the series, but I had no idea at all.

Sheryl Lee was great! I just wish that they hadn’t cast someone else in the place of Lara Flynn Boyle’s character, Donna. I guess Lara was signed onto another project at the time, but she was certainly missed. Don’t expect me not to notice that Lara Flynn Boyle turned into that chick from The Cutting Edge. Other than that, it was great.

Though part of me wishes that this series had been on for longer, it’s probably good that it ended in it’s prime. Some T.V. series go on for too long, to the point where you want to gouge your own eyes out because the show you once loved has turned into something that you are embarrassed to tell your friends that you watch.

The series finale of this show might make you gasp out loud. I know I did. That last plot twist hit me like a wet fish slapped across my face. Oww!

If this show sounds too dark for you, don’t worry, there is a lot of comedic relief. A lot of moments like this:

In Twin Peaks, they sure love their coffee! And I love me some Twin Peaks. Thank you, David Lynch, you’ve done it again!

I wouldn’t call myself a trekkie, but I have always been a fan of Star Trek. I loved the original series, I have seen most of the movies, and I watched a lot of Star Trek: The Next Generation. It really ends there though, any Star Trek series after TNG just didn’t blow my skirt up a whole lot.

I saw the new movie that is about to come out on DVD Star Trek (Three-Disc +Digital Copy) [Blu-ray] (I am nearly wetting myself, I am so excited) and I absolutely love it! I went to the midnight showing, that is some serious stuff.

This past weekend I checked out a new Star Trek exhibit that just opened down the street from me in Hollywood. I was sort of hoping that it was the old Star Trek exhibit from the Imperial Palace in Las Vegas. No such luck, but it was awesome anyway. Did I mention they sold toy tribbles as souvenirs? Let me just vent for a moment. I still can’t believe they closed down that exhibit in Las Vegas. It’s not like they put anything else in it’s place, and now the only place that Trekkies can gather is at a convention. They even had a Star Trek ride in there, it was like Star Tours in Disneyland, but with Captain Picard.

I’m just glad they opened the exhibit that I went to on Sunday, it was full of Costumes from the show and the new movie. You could even sit on the U.S.S. Enterprise (well the set at least) from Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Here I am with Spock, that’s Mr. Spock by the way, not Dr. Spock. Dr. Spock is that famous child psychologist. Common misconception. Spock is one of my favorite Star Trek characters, he and Scotty are pretty much tied.

Me and James Tiberius Kirk. He’s just so pretty.

Me and my boyfriend lovin’ on the U.S.S. Enterprise.

Is that an uncharted planet? Let’s explore!

It was a pretty amazing trip, I just truly appreciate the entire Star Trek universe. Maybe there is a little bit of trekkie in me after all.

It’s nearing Halloween, so I think it’s only appropriate that we celebrate the true meaning of this holiday. Candy.

The movie, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, came out in the seventies but I haven’ t met many people who haven’ t seen it. It’s kind of a childhood staple.

Of course my favorite scene in the movie is the room where everything is edible. I think this is an essential room in any house. I still think they should make gummy bears that big, it’s a snack and a friend.

I’ve noticed some things after watching this movie. No matter how many chocolate bars I open, I always secretly hope that a golden ticket is waiting inside. I know Veruca was a brat, but I kinda wanted one of those geese that laid the golden eggs too. Every time I see wallpaper with any sort of fruit on it, I wonder if I went up and licked it if it would taste like a snozzberry. ”Cheer up ,Charlie” was a really annoying song and I am  glad it wasn’t included  in Tim Burton’s version of this movie, although I strongly prefer the original in all other cases. I’ve heard a lot of people say that the remake was truer to the book, well guess what? Roald Dahl (he’s the guy that wrote the book) wrote the screenplay for the 1971 version. How’s that for true to the book? My only other beef with the 1971 version is this: why wasn’t Sammy Davis Jr. the candy man? You’re right, there is no good reason. Makes me sick. Having Sammy Davis Jr. in this movie would’ve completely made up for how terrible “Cheer Up, Charlie” is. I wish I had friends who were oompa loompas, because then they could narrate (in song) everything I did during the day. The other thing missing from the Tim Burton remake of this film is the creepy boat ride sequence. Willy Wonka takes all of the kids he invites into his factory on what appears to be a normal boat ride.  But this boat ride is like a bad acid trip, and Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder) begins singing the creepiest song you’ve ever heard, almost as if possessed by some candy loving devil. “Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a blowin’?”

I love this movie so much, and I’m ecstatic every time it comes on T.V. You will probably never have to buy this movie or The Wizard of Oz because they are always on T.V. without fail. I always think I’ll get sick of this movie but I never get tired of seeing Augustus get stuck in that chocolate chute, or watching Charlie and Grandpa Joe drink fizzy lifting drinks and float, or hearing the words “Violet, you’re turning violet, Violet!”

Warning! This movie is only to be watched while consuming mass amounts of junk food, it’s impossible to get through otherwise.

I made a bold statement that there are no good German food restaurants in L.A. in my last post, and I meant it. But. Then I got a call on Saturday night from my friend Nicole, she wanted to go to an Oktoberfest celebration in Torrance (which is just south of L.A.) and then I remembered! There is good German food in L.A.

In Torrance! At the Alpine Village, a touristy little spot that has an amazing German restaurant, and fun shops clustered around it.

I had been here once before but could never find it again after I went my first time. But let me tell you, they had some mighty fine food! I got my usual swine braten, with a heaping plate of spatzle.

Going to Oktoberfest here was a bit different however, there was this giant tent a circus would be envious of put up outside of the village for the festivities. And they needed it, it was packed! There was no traffic going down the freeway (a feat for L.A.) before getting to my exit and then right as I was getting off the freeway, the roads were jammed. All cars full of people going to Oktoberfest! Since there were this many people there, the entire night was full of waiting in lines.

We waited for 40 minutes to actually get in, then half an hour for beer, and another half an hour for food. People started realizing that the beer line was taking a ridiculously long time, so people bought as much beer as their arms could carry so they wouldn’t have to battle that line a second time.

The food was good but they didn’t have the wide variety of selection that the restaurant has. Just wursts. But I was fine with that, nothing like a good wurst to go with your giant stein of beer. I like my beer dark so I got a dark Spaten. Scrumptious!

Despite all of the lines, I still enjoyed myself, it was crazy loud and you could barely hear the polka band, but I heard enough to do the chicken dance. I was going to go up on stage when they announced they were going to do the chicken dance, and only the women were allowed to come up on stage and shake their rumps (represent the girls). But when my friend and I got up there, one of the guys working the event said we had to leave our beers, and he points to this table where all the gals on stage had left their beers unattended. Gross! First of all, there is probably a 90 percent chance you won’t even get your own beer back (cooties), and your leaving your beer alone in a tent full of thousands of people (I like my beer roofy free, thank you very much).

It was Oktoberfest, but L.A. style. Nevermind that Oktoberfest is over by now in Germany (way to go Americans).

The Mama’s and the Papas dreamt about it, the Beach Boys surfed in it, and I love it. California!

I moved around a lot when I was younger, my dad was in the Air Force, and there was no constant scenery growing up. I saw it all. When we moved we wouldn’t take a plane to where we were moving to next, we drove cross country. And let me tell you, there is a lot of corn in the Midwest. Miles and miles passed before my eyes through the back window of that mini van. One summer we moved from Virginia to Arizona, and we stopped down at Disney World for about a week. What do you mean Florida isn’t on the way from Virginia to Arizona? Hey, it was worth the few extra miles.

No matter where I lived, my family visited California about once a year. Both sets of my grandparents lived in San Diego, so we would visit them on some major holiday. I fell in love with the state. San Diego is amazing because of it’s beaches, Sea World, and the best Mexican food around in Old Town.

I remember the first time I came to Los Angeles, I think I was around seven, and the thing I couldn’t believe the most about the city was that the freeways had four lanes on each side. This seemed gigantic to my small town eyes. I didn’t really get back to L.A. again until I was twelve and moving into the suburbs of this giant city. L.A. has become on of my favorite places in the world, but I remember the first time I laid eyes on Hollywood. It was a dive! Since then, it has cleaned up a lot. That, and I think I have adjusted from a small town mind. I thought that when you came to Hollywood there would be casting directors on every corner waiting to give you your big break. Nope, just a bum or two. I thought I would bump into a movie star every where I turned. No such luck.

I live in Hollywood now, and it is the coolest place I’ve ever lived but not because of the things I just mentioned. The city has a lot of energy, there is always something exciting going on. I am a block away from Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, two blocks away from the Hollywood Bowl, it is so surreal! And there is more to L.A. than just Hollywood. L.A. is huge! Whatever you’re looking for you can find here. Except good German food, trust me, I’ve looked everywhere!

There’s downtown L.A. where there isn’t too much nightlife like the downtown in most major cities. Mostly it’s where people go to work, and then after work they go to party elsewhere. There’s Echo Park and Silver Lake, hip little towns that have great little shops and cafes. It’s like Greenwich Village in New York but on a budget. There’s Hollywood like I mentioned, I know I’m biased but I think it’s the best part of L.A. There’s the San Fernando Valley, home to the ever famous valley girls. Then there is the Westside of L.A., home to Beverly Hills, Bel-Air, Brentwood, Santa Monica. This is the classy L.A. If you like a little culture in your life, spice it up by heading down to Koreatown, China Town, or Olvera Street. I’m almost out of breath and I still haven’t mentioned every area within Los Angeles. I’m telling you it’s huge! It’s the second largest city in the U.S. people!

In California you can go surfing and go snowboarding in the same day! Where else can you do that? It’s a magical place full of so much, and I’ve only been talking about Southern California, Northern California is amazing too!

San Francisco is always fun! You can get some tasty sea food down at Fisherman’s Wharf, or hang out with some hippies in Haight Ashbury, or catch the amazing view from Golden Gate Bridge. San Francisco has a lot of really great Irish pubs too, there is a lot of culture in this town! It’s a really hip and happening city but there’s a lot of history too. I am sad to say that when I visited San Franciso, I missed going to Alcatraz. You know I wanted to see where Al Capone was kept. P.S. never evade your taxes. San Francisco is a little trippy for me, because the actual city looks like it’s frozen in time. It seems like the city hasn’t changed a lot since it was built. Yes I realize that there was a major earthquake and a fire that changed a few things, but the city seems like it has held onto a lot of it’s early charm. Don’t be fooled by the way it looks though, this city is very progressive. After visiting San Francisco, I read a lot more about it, and this has only made me want to go back more. There are a lot of things that I wish I had seen. Did I mention that I wish I had gone to Alcatraz? I never made it to the Castro either, which I definitely want to see after watching the movie Milk.

I could go on about California all day long, It is the second biggest state in the Union you know. I am constantly finding out more and more about how great it is, I’ve been reading this book called Laurel Canyon: The Inside Story of Rock-and-Roll’s Legendary Neighborhood ( a neighborhood in Los Angeles) by Michael Walker. I actually got to hear this author speak a few years back, and I rushed over to Barnes and Noble as soon as he was done. This book is all about what he considers Rock and Rolls most famous neighborhood. It talks about Frank Zappa, and his experiences living in the canyon. The Mamas and the Papas, while they were there. Joni Mitchell, the Byrds, Buffalo Springfield, Crosby, Stills, and Nash. You name it. The book even talks about how the Charles Manson murders completely shook the Canyon, and because of these violent crimes, people began locking their doors for the first time in years. This book talks about famous music venues around L.A. in their prime like the Troubadour, and the Whisky. You’ll want to move to Laurel Canyon right away. You’ll want to move to California right away!

California is so great, Lucy and Ricky of I Love Lucy moved from New York City all the way to Hollywood just to be a part of the glitz and glam. I love the episode where Lucy and Ethel steal John Wayne’s footprints from the courtyard in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, I think about it every time I walk down Hollywood Blvd. and pass the famous movie theatre.

California has it all, something for everyone. I guess the Eagles were right about California when they sang: “You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.” And, why would you want to? It’s California! And I’m hooked.

Guinness makes my Irish roots sing.

I am not much of a drinker but whenever I step into a pub and I see Guinness on tap, I can’t help but partake in this dark, frothy delight. Guinness is a dry stout sure to put hair on your chest. Some cannot handle its strong, and bold flavor. I, however, am not one of those people. When Guinness touches my tongue, it’s almost as if a magical sprite is dancing in my mouth. Yum.

I hope that someday, my world travels will take me to the Guinness Storehouse in Dublin. This is where the magic really happens. It houses the Guinness fermentation process, you can take a tour of the entire Storehouse which ends with a complementary pint of Guinness. Not like any tour that you have taken before. This isn’t the only fun of the tour. You learn how to pour Guinness, and how much Guinness is too much Guinness. I know, it’s hard to believe that you can ever have too much Guinness, but once that lamp shade ends up on your head you’ll think again.

Ever heard of a Black and Tan? What about a Half and Half? These are two other tasty drinks in which Guinness is a part of.

A Black and Tan is a combination of Guinness and Bass. A Half and Half is a combination of Harp and Guinness. These drinks are made with a special spoon so that the Guinness sits on top of the other drink. Why does Guinness sit on top? Because Guinness is king! Harp is pretty awesome too, okay so is Bass. But Guinness is king!

Guinness. Is it possible to love it anymore? I don’t think so.

When I was in elementary school I was extremely bored. So bored that I would give each of my crayons a distinct voice and name, and every day I would act out little crayon soap operas on top of my desk. This almost cured my boredom.

An even better cure for childhood boredom is returning home from a dull day at school to find a tollbooth sitting in your bedroom. This is what happens to Milo in The Phantom Tollbooth. Milo is a very bored little boy, only he is not just bored in school, but everywhere.

He drives his electric toy car through the tollbooth, and finds a different world. He finds himself on a mission to save the princesses named Rhyme and Reason of the strange land he has found (I know what you’re thinking, they probably got teased a lot when they were younger with those names). Rhyme and Reason were banished by the two rulers of the land, which is split in half. One ruler named King Azaz rules Dictionopolis, a land that only values words. The other ruler, the Mathemagician, rules Digitopolis and he only cares about numbers. Of course they hate each other, because they are brothers and because they like different things. They fight and fight over which is better, letters or numbers, and finally they force Rhyme and Reason to decide. Rhyme and Reason rule that they are equally important. Well the two rulers don’t like this answer at all,  so they banish the two princesses to the castle in the air. The only problem is, now they are left with a land without rhyme or reason. Sucks, I know. So they ask Milo to get the two princesses back. Of course the castle in the air is hard to get to. The name says it all. It’s also guarded by a bunch of jerks, but still Milo takes on this quest.

The Phantom Tollbooth is a book by Norton Juster but it is also a movie directed by Chuck Jones, who directed a lot of Bugs Bunny cartoons. In the movie, it is live action at the beginning, but once Milo drives through the tollbooth the movie is a completely animated cartoon world.  The live-action Milo is none other than Butch Patrick. He then voices the cartoon version of Milo inside the world of the tollbooth. Butch Patrick played Eddie Munster on the TV show The Munsters, and it was a little strange to see him without his monster-boy make-up on. Butch Patrick played Milo a little pissy, he looked really upset all the time before he went into the world of the tollbooth, maybe that was his interpretation of being bored- I dunno, but he looked ticked-off.

Speaking of ticked. One of my favorite characters in the movie, and in the book, was Tock the dog. Tock is very concerned about time, and how valuable it is. He doesn’t mean to be gruff, but that’s what people expect from a watchdog. Oh yeah, if you can’t handle a few bad puns, you should probably steer clear of this story. Oh common, get over it, you’ll live, there’s only a few. It’s worth it I promise.

I liked the movie and the book, there were differences, but I’m okay with that. Movies are not books, books are not movies. We can enjoy both.

Something I loved in the book that wasn’t in the movie was how they eat at Digitopolis. When people ate food they became more hungry, so people would eat to become less full then they currently were, because they were getting fuller all the time. Confused? Think about why we eat, because were hungry and want to become more full. Reverse that concept and you’ve got a meal at Digitopolis. Just think, in their world the concern for child skinniness could be the same as the concern for child obesity in America today.

This story has a warm and fuzzy message to it. By the end of Milo’s journey, Milo finds out that there are adventures to be had everywhere, not just through a magical tollbooth. Although, the tollbooth did kinda help.

Jello Pudding. Good

Frozen Jello Pudding on a stick. Delectable.

A few years ago, I walked into a grocery store looking for one thing. Jello Pudding Pops. I searched the ice cream section high and low and realized that I must be looking in the wrong place because they were nowhere to be found. All I found were fudgesicles, and as good as fudgesicles taste, they are no pudding pops. Pudding pops would melt in your mouth, no the were better than that, they would turn to Jello pudding on your tongue and then they would melt in your mouth.

How could Bill Cosby, as the spokes person for Jello, allow pudding pops to disappear? I wasn’t even warned before they went into extinction so that I could buy a lifetime supply.  Would I have really done that? You bet your sweet bippy I would have.

Don’t tell me I can make my own, because that isn’t the point. It’s the principle of the thing. People love pudding pops, therefore they should be sold in a supermarket where they are easily accessible.

Please Bill Cosby, bring us back our pudding pops.

It absolutely baffles me that this show has yet to be put out on DVD. Around Christmas time of the year 2005 I asked a store employee when they were going to be getting in The Wonders Years on DVD, and he assured me that it should be out in the next couple of months. That was four years ago.

This TV show was a staple of my childhood. I think it is safe to say that I have seen every episode of this show, I just couldn’t, and still can’t get enough of it. This is a story of Kevin Arnold growing up in the suburbs. I grew up in the suburbs-many different suburbs (my Dad was in the Air Force), so I definitely felt I could relate.

The similarities really didn’t end there for me though, I felt like many episodes really captured the awkwardness of growing up.

There was an entire episode dedicated to Kevin struggling in a math class, he was so embarrassed and even got angry with other kids who were excelling in the class. This hit home for me. When I was in Elementary school, I cursed the day math was ever invented. I was always frustrated in math class. I was also cursed with friends who were math whizzes, this was annoying because they always said things like: “I don’t get this stuff at all.” And then they would get A’s. The only thing more annoying than stupid people are people who pretend to be stupid. While Kevin was failing every test, his friend Paul was getting the best grades in the class. Kevin gets really ticked off with Paul when Paul decides to go study for their math test instead of playing basketball with Kevin. Let’s get our priorities straight Paul.

Speaking of Paul, Paul Pfeiffer is probably one of the greatest characters in television history. He was allergic to everything, even instant hot chocolate. Paul Pfeiffer was Kevin Arnold’s best friend, they were life long best friends. One episode they had a little bit too much of one another and had one blow-out of a fight. It all started when the too were trading baseball cards, Kevin just had to have Paul’s Willie McCovey. Paul just wouldn’t budge. “No, no, no. McCovey’s off the table.” Paul kept saying. Then things got ugly, one thing lead to another: Kevin’s cartoon bed sheets were brought up, Paul’s stuff animals sitting on his bed were shamelessly mentioned, and then Paul went for the jugular.

Paul: “Oh, yeah? Well, at least I don’t have the hots for Winnie Cooper!” There was no denying this one. Paul had gone too far.  Their friendship was over. (well at least for a half an hour, this is television people!) Kevin and Paul don’t speak for an entire episode, being almost inseparable up to this point, this feels like a long time. Kevin hangs out with this really nice kid named Doug Porter, and is a total jerk to him. Though Kevin was the main character of this show, there were moments where he was just plain unlikable. Finally Kevin and Paul make up because the world was clearly out of balance without their friendship.

There was a rumor going around for years that Josh Saviano who played Paul on The Wonder Years grew up to become Marilyn Manson. Completely false, Marilyn Manson’s real name is Brian Warner. Rob Stone from Mr. Belvedere was also accused of being Marilyn Manson. The masses desperately want Marilyn Manson to have his place in 1980s prime-time. But, alas, no.

Winnie Cooper , like Paul Pfeiffer, was also a huge part of this show. She was the perfect woman in Kevin Arnold’s world, and they date on and off throughout the series. The pilot episode of the show ends in the two sharing their first kiss. Awwwww. They are hooked on each other from this point in the series on.

I cry like a baby every time I see the pilot of this show, and the last episode of the entire series. The thing I love about the last episode is the fact that everything doesn’t end up the way you think it will after watching this series for years. The last episode gives you a little glimpse into the future of the lives of all the characters. Some characters end up the way you think they will, like Paul, he goes to Harvard- big surprise. You wouldn’t even guess how some other characters turn out, and I like that because it doesn’t leave you with some bogus fairy tale ending. This series is perfection to me, it is my favorite series of all time. Now please, someone put it out on DVD!

Oh, and one last thing. Any show that has a Joe Cocker song as it’s theme song is alright in my book any day.