Kelly Monster

When I was in elementary school I was extremely bored. So bored that I would give each of my crayons a distinct voice and name, and every day I would act out little crayon soap operas on top of my desk. This almost cured my boredom.

An even better cure for childhood boredom is returning home from a dull day at school to find a tollbooth sitting in your bedroom. This is what happens to Milo in The Phantom Tollbooth. Milo is a very bored little boy, only he is not just bored in school, but everywhere.

He drives his electric toy car through the tollbooth, and finds a different world. He finds himself on a mission to save the princesses named Rhyme and Reason of the strange land he has found (I know what you’re thinking, they probably got teased a lot when they were younger with those names). Rhyme and Reason were banished by the two rulers of the land, which is split in half. One ruler named King Azaz rules Dictionopolis, a land that only values words. The other ruler, the Mathemagician, rules Digitopolis and he only cares about numbers. Of course they hate each other, because they are brothers and because they like different things. They fight and fight over which is better, letters or numbers, and finally they force Rhyme and Reason to decide. Rhyme and Reason rule that they are equally important. Well the two rulers don’t like this answer at all,  so they banish the two princesses to the castle in the air. The only problem is, now they are left with a land without rhyme or reason. Sucks, I know. So they ask Milo to get the two princesses back. Of course the castle in the air is hard to get to. The name says it all. It’s also guarded by a bunch of jerks, but still Milo takes on this quest.

The Phantom Tollbooth is a book by Norton Juster but it is also a movie directed by Chuck Jones, who directed a lot of Bugs Bunny cartoons. In the movie, it is live action at the beginning, but once Milo drives through the tollbooth the movie is a completely animated cartoon world.  The live-action Milo is none other than Butch Patrick. He then voices the cartoon version of Milo inside the world of the tollbooth. Butch Patrick played Eddie Munster on the TV show The Munsters, and it was a little strange to see him without his monster-boy make-up on. Butch Patrick played Milo a little pissy, he looked really upset all the time before he went into the world of the tollbooth, maybe that was his interpretation of being bored- I dunno, but he looked ticked-off.

Speaking of ticked. One of my favorite characters in the movie, and in the book, was Tock the dog. Tock is very concerned about time, and how valuable it is. He doesn’t mean to be gruff, but that’s what people expect from a watchdog. Oh yeah, if you can’t handle a few bad puns, you should probably steer clear of this story. Oh common, get over it, you’ll live, there’s only a few. It’s worth it I promise.

I liked the movie and the book, there were differences, but I’m okay with that. Movies are not books, books are not movies. We can enjoy both.

Something I loved in the book that wasn’t in the movie was how they eat at Digitopolis. When people ate food they became more hungry, so people would eat to become less full then they currently were, because they were getting fuller all the time. Confused? Think about why we eat, because were hungry and want to become more full. Reverse that concept and you’ve got a meal at Digitopolis. Just think, in their world the concern for child skinniness could be the same as the concern for child obesity in America today.

This story has a warm and fuzzy message to it. By the end of Milo’s journey, Milo finds out that there are adventures to be had everywhere, not just through a magical tollbooth. Although, the tollbooth did kinda help.

Jello Pudding. Good

Frozen Jello Pudding on a stick. Delectable.

A few years ago, I walked into a grocery store looking for one thing. Jello Pudding Pops. I searched the ice cream section high and low and realized that I must be looking in the wrong place because they were nowhere to be found. All I found were fudgesicles, and as good as fudgesicles taste, they are no pudding pops. Pudding pops would melt in your mouth, no the were better than that, they would turn to Jello pudding on your tongue and then they would melt in your mouth.

How could Bill Cosby, as the spokes person for Jello, allow pudding pops to disappear? I wasn’t even warned before they went into extinction so that I could buy a lifetime supply.  Would I have really done that? You bet your sweet bippy I would have.

Don’t tell me I can make my own, because that isn’t the point. It’s the principle of the thing. People love pudding pops, therefore they should be sold in a supermarket where they are easily accessible.

Please Bill Cosby, bring us back our pudding pops.

If we exclude the college years of this show (the college years bite the big one) Boy Meets World is a fun sitcom.

Everybody loved the characters on this show, and that’s what people watched it for.

You had Mr. Feeny, who was Cory’s teacher for years. All throughout Junior High, all throughout High School. He was even their principal at one point. He was everywhere, he even followed them to college. But again, this is where I tuned out of this show.

Shawn Hunter, Cory’s best friend, was the trouble maker. Early on in the series he puts a cherry bomb in a mailbox, and it was all downhill from there. The actor who played Shawn, Rider Strong, was in every tweeny magazine imaginable while this show was on. The ladies just couldn’t get enough of him, including my sister who had his poster up in our room right next to Jonathan Taylor Thomas, a place of honor some might say. Rider Strong’s headshot is also on the wall of my favorite Taco Bell in Burbank, CA.

Speaking of ladies men, Will Friedle, who played Cory’s brother Eric in the show had to beat women off with a stick in his prime. His character really evolved throughout the series. First he was just the good looking older brother that would occasionally tease Cory, and then all of a sudden his character just became stupid. Like unintelligent, that was his thing. The writers painted him as dull, but if you look back at the first few seasons, he wasn’t always like this.

Another character who changed a lot from the beginning of the series was ,Topanga, Cory’s love interest. When the series first started, Topanga was a granola mystical hippie. I LOVED it. Her favorite restaurant was the International House of Salads. Topanga: “I love IHOS.” She sort of lost this gimmick as the show progressed. And if you think Shawn and Eric were the show’s heartthrobs, you have not witnessed the eye candy that is Topanga. She was a pretty little girl who grew up to be a knock out. Danielle Fishel who plays Topanga is also really funny. Good looks and charm? You go Danielle.

Wait, a second, I haven’t even mentioned Cory yet. Cory Matthews, all around nice guy. Just plain likable. Just like a golden retriever puppy, how can you not love him?

The greatest character on this show is hands down the greatest nerd on earth, well next to Steve Urkel, Stuart Minkus. He was only on this show for the first few seasons, but he was by far the most amazing. Minkus is played by Lee Norris who played Chuckie Lee Torkelson on another favorite sitcom of mine-The Torkelsons. On Minkus he has a big giant brain, and is constantly being picked on by Cory and Shawn. But don’t feel bad for him, he dishes it right back. He ’s too smart to lie around and wallow in their insults, he has an evil genius quality about him.

These are the main characters of the series, but this show had excellent supporting characters as well. Cory’s parents were fun. Morgan, Cory’s little sister, was cute and then turned evil. The bullies on the show: completely non-threatening but you loved them anyway. One of those bullies played Pinsky on Salute Your Shorts. He can take my lunch money any day.

See what I mean about great characters? That’s why this show was on for seven years, not for it’s memorable story lines. Except when they went to Disney World, but then again what sitcom on TGIF (Friday night programming on ABC in the 90s) didn’t have a Disney World episode? I some times forget how much I love this show because of the college years, but it really was one of my favorites growing up.

“Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free”

Harold and Maude is a love story, and this movie is proof that love can sometimes be found in the unlikeliest of places. And I mean unlikely, like a teenager and a senior citizen falling in love, unlikely.

Harold is obsessed with dying. Harold drives a hearse, and attends funerals for fun. He doesn’t have any friends. He is your typical eccentric loner, you know, if dying everyday is typical eccentric behavior. He is constantly faking his death. His mother finds him fake hanging himself,  mock stabbing himself, shooting himself in the face with blanks, although blanks can still kill you if you’re close enough. I’m just saying, don’t go running around shooting yourself in the face. Even if you think you’re being safe. It’s all fun and games until someone ends up in a coffin. Did I mention this is a dark comedy?

Because he fakes his death so often, Harold’s mother barely bats an eyelash at this behavior anymore. She does get a little freaked out when he smears fake blood all over her bathroom, she gets pretty fed up at this point. Come on lady, can’t you take a joke?

Maude is nearing her 80th birthday, but you would never know it. She is energetic, daring, and young at heart. Maude is alive.

Maude seeks out Harold at a funeral, and they become the best of friends. Maude teaches Harold  how to live, and shows him the value of being alive. Maude is fearless, she steals people’s cars and drives around like a mad person. If the police try to get in her way, she escapes without a scratch. She marches to the beat of her own drum.  Maude lives life to the fullest, Harold eventually falls in love with Maude, and because he cares so deeply about her he begins to  live life to the fullest as well.

Harold and Maude find this dying tree in the middle of the city one day, it is surrounded by concrete and it looks pretty pathetic. Maude convinces Harold to help her steal it. It’s leaves are wilting, and it’s branches are drooping-it looks like it is going to die. Maude wants to take it, replant it, and bring it back to life. Maude does this same thing with Harold. Harold is this tree. Harold is completely pale at the beginning of this movie, and after he meets Maude he starts to look healthier.

Maude knows that a lot of people aren’t really living, that they are just sitting on the sidelines, but at any time they can start to participate.  Maude teaches Harold how to participate, and not by compromising who he is, he maintains his quirks but he just worries less about people judging him. Maude helps him realize this.

You would think hearing the premise of this movie that you would be grossed out by Harold and Maude’s love affair, but you root for them the entire movie. Even if their love doesn’t last forever, they learn so much about one another. You’re are sincerely glad they meet.

Don’t read below this line unless you want the ending of this movie completely ruined.

When I saw Harold’s Jaguar roll off the cliff at the end of the movie, I was pissed. I thought: “He doesn’t get it.” “Did he learn nothing from Maude?” “How could he take his own life?” But when you see him standing unhurt at the top of the cliff, I cheered for him. He tricked us again, and he’s going to be alright. Harold’s life is going to be completely different from this point on, he wants to live now, even if it means living without Maude. He skips away into the sunset, playing his banjo with glee.

It absolutely baffles me that this show has yet to be put out on DVD. Around Christmas time of the year 2005 I asked a store employee when they were going to be getting in The Wonders Years on DVD, and he assured me that it should be out in the next couple of months. That was four years ago.

This TV show was a staple of my childhood. I think it is safe to say that I have seen every episode of this show, I just couldn’t, and still can’t get enough of it. This is a story of Kevin Arnold growing up in the suburbs. I grew up in the suburbs-many different suburbs (my Dad was in the Air Force), so I definitely felt I could relate.

The similarities really didn’t end there for me though, I felt like many episodes really captured the awkwardness of growing up.

There was an entire episode dedicated to Kevin struggling in a math class, he was so embarrassed and even got angry with other kids who were excelling in the class. This hit home for me. When I was in Elementary school, I cursed the day math was ever invented. I was always frustrated in math class. I was also cursed with friends who were math whizzes, this was annoying because they always said things like: “I don’t get this stuff at all.” And then they would get A’s. The only thing more annoying than stupid people are people who pretend to be stupid. While Kevin was failing every test, his friend Paul was getting the best grades in the class. Kevin gets really ticked off with Paul when Paul decides to go study for their math test instead of playing basketball with Kevin. Let’s get our priorities straight Paul.

Speaking of Paul, Paul Pfeiffer is probably one of the greatest characters in television history. He was allergic to everything, even instant hot chocolate. Paul Pfeiffer was Kevin Arnold’s best friend, they were life long best friends. One episode they had a little bit too much of one another and had one blow-out of a fight. It all started when the too were trading baseball cards, Kevin just had to have Paul’s Willie McCovey. Paul just wouldn’t budge. “No, no, no. McCovey’s off the table.” Paul kept saying. Then things got ugly, one thing lead to another: Kevin’s cartoon bed sheets were brought up, Paul’s stuff animals sitting on his bed were shamelessly mentioned, and then Paul went for the jugular.

Paul: “Oh, yeah? Well, at least I don’t have the hots for Winnie Cooper!” There was no denying this one. Paul had gone too far.  Their friendship was over. (well at least for a half an hour, this is television people!) Kevin and Paul don’t speak for an entire episode, being almost inseparable up to this point, this feels like a long time. Kevin hangs out with this really nice kid named Doug Porter, and is a total jerk to him. Though Kevin was the main character of this show, there were moments where he was just plain unlikable. Finally Kevin and Paul make up because the world was clearly out of balance without their friendship.

There was a rumor going around for years that Josh Saviano who played Paul on The Wonder Years grew up to become Marilyn Manson. Completely false, Marilyn Manson’s real name is Brian Warner. Rob Stone from Mr. Belvedere was also accused of being Marilyn Manson. The masses desperately want Marilyn Manson to have his place in 1980s prime-time. But, alas, no.

Winnie Cooper , like Paul Pfeiffer, was also a huge part of this show. She was the perfect woman in Kevin Arnold’s world, and they date on and off throughout the series. The pilot episode of the show ends in the two sharing their first kiss. Awwwww. They are hooked on each other from this point in the series on.

I cry like a baby every time I see the pilot of this show, and the last episode of the entire series. The thing I love about the last episode is the fact that everything doesn’t end up the way you think it will after watching this series for years. The last episode gives you a little glimpse into the future of the lives of all the characters. Some characters end up the way you think they will, like Paul, he goes to Harvard- big surprise. You wouldn’t even guess how some other characters turn out, and I like that because it doesn’t leave you with some bogus fairy tale ending. This series is perfection to me, it is my favorite series of all time. Now please, someone put it out on DVD!

Oh, and one last thing. Any show that has a Joe Cocker song as it’s theme song is alright in my book any day.

Yes, all women love jewelry. It’s just that some of us prefer it to be made out of candy. I was all about cherry flavored ring pops when I was younger. Anytime I was walking through a mall, and I passed a KB Toys, I knew my favorite treat was waiting inside.

The upside of Ring Pops: You can actually wear a delectable lollypop.

The downside of Ring Pops: Spit usually ended up all over your hand. I’m being really honest here.

Charms Blow Pops.  These tasty lollipops are nothing but fun and their adorbable commercial just proves it. I am a sour apple girl myself, but every flavor is mouth- watering. You can buy big bags of these treats at the grocery store and I can eat my way through a pack in about five minutes. But I guess- That’s a Blow Pop!

Push Pops, when you think there’s no more hard candy left- just push up some more. These pops were awesome because you could eat them all at once, or, if you didn’t finish it in one sitting you could just pop the top back on and save it for later. Brilliance!

The upside of Push Pops: They came with little clips on the side of them. Perfect for pockets.

The downside of Push Pops: Spit would run down the side of your index finger, or any finger you chose to stick it on. I told you I was going to be honest!

Kinder Eggs. These were a huge part of my childhood even though they are very hard to find in this country. Whenever my Dad would go on a business trip, or I for some reason would leave the country, I would always look for Kinder Eggs as a child. They are chocolate eggs (and I am talking about the best chocolate you’ve ever put in your mouth) that surround a little pod with a toy inside. Who doesn’t love that? These little treats are originally from Germany, but are sold all over the world. Although, like I mentioned before, they are hard to find in the U.S. What’s up with that, Uncle Sam? I still look for Kinder Eggs, and whenever I find them I buy as many as my arms can carry. I have a little collection going of the little toys.

Nestle made a version of the Kinder Egg in the 90s but some kid put one of the toys from the center of the chocolate ball inside his mouth and apparently choked, they quicky changed their product. They replaced the toy with little Sweet Tart candies. I wish kids were smarter, they ruin my life. They had a catchy little commercial though:

I ate a lot of candy as a child, but these candies just remind me of being a kid. And these treats aren’t just for kids. I would still sport a Ring Pop, or keep a Push Pop around for certain sweet tooth emergencies.

You could almost say that I am in a committed relationship with these candies. They will always be there for me, and I will always be there to constantly adore them.

Oh happy day! After almost ten years apart, one of my all-time favorite bands Pavement is reuniting for a tour in 2010. This reunion will not be forever, this is just a one time deal. There had been mumblings for quite some time that this reunion might happen, and to my absolute delight, they have been confirmed. On September, 21, 2009, Pavement will play Rumsey Playfield in Central Park. This is the first location announced, no telling where the tour will take them next. Tickets go on sale this Friday, so the race is on. If this is your first time hearing of this band check out their album Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain- you can’t go wrong.

Here’s a song off that album:

Scrappy Doo. What a jerk.

Scrappy Doo is the nephew of the famous Scooby Doo. Just like he is pictured above, Scrappy was always getting into fights (hence the name) usually with someone much bigger than he was. “Lemme at ‘em, Lemme at ‘em!” he would say, waving his fists around like he was Rocky Balboa or something. He would usually start the fight, and then Scooby Doo and the gang would have to get him out of it. Since he was so tiny they usually could just swoop down and pick him up with one hand to get him out of the conflict.

Scrappy would also volunteer Scooby for dangerous jobs, like on an episode of The Scooby Doo and The Scrappy Doo Show where Scooby and the gang find out that a devil bear is haunting some cave dwellings. Scrappy makes sure to announce to everyone that Scooby will single-handedly destroy the bear himself. Way to volunteer your uncle and then not even offer to help. Stupid Scrappy.

His catch phrase is “Puppy Power.” Power? What power? Little dogs always think they are stronger and bigger than they are, and scrappy is about the size of a walnut.

Scrappy also has an explosive personality, I think we all can agree he could stand to get his anger under control. What a hot head. He blows his stack and quickly resorts to violence. I know he didn’t learn those habits from Scooby, Scooby must be so ashamed.

Here’s what I’m talking about, here is just one of Scrappy Doo’s famous meltdowns:

Listen up Scrappy Doo, no one likes you.

Are you short on cash? Is the economy getting you down? Are you job-less and looking for something to do?

Stop saving and go where the real money is. Treasure hunting.

Cyndi Lauper applied treasure hunting methods, and got the results seen here:

The movie The Goonies is proof that no one should be forced to move from their home because of plans for a new golf course to go in it’s place. The problem can be easily solved by stumbling across a map in your attic, follow it’s directions in Latin, and bring along all your closet friends to find the greatest treasure of all- a seven foot man named Sloth.

The closest I have ever come to searching for lost treasure is at a themed restaurant in Denver, Colorado named Casa Bonita. They had a cave set up where you could walk through and grab a toy out of a treasure chest. Thrilling yes, but clearly not the same.

The action of this movie starts faster than you can say “truffle shuffle.” There’s car chases, sword fighting, booby traps, and slick shoes.

The Goonies is a story of triumph. The “bad guys” go home in handcuffs and the “good guys” go home unscathed and with a marble bag full of gems. A classic tale of good vs. evil.