Kelly Monster

It’s nearing Halloween, so I think it’s only appropriate that we celebrate the true meaning of this holiday. Candy.

The movie, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, came out in the seventies but I haven’ t met many people who haven’ t seen it. It’s kind of a childhood staple.

Of course my favorite scene in the movie is the room where everything is edible. I think this is an essential room in any house. I still think they should make gummy bears that big, it’s a snack and a friend.

I’ve noticed some things after watching this movie. No matter how many chocolate bars I open, I always secretly hope that a golden ticket is waiting inside. I know Veruca was a brat, but I kinda wanted one of those geese that laid the golden eggs too. Every time I see wallpaper with any sort of fruit on it, I wonder if I went up and licked it if it would taste like a snozzberry. ”Cheer up ,Charlie” was a really annoying song and I am  glad it wasn’t included  in Tim Burton’s version of this movie, although I strongly prefer the original in all other cases. I’ve heard a lot of people say that the remake was truer to the book, well guess what? Roald Dahl (he’s the guy that wrote the book) wrote the screenplay for the 1971 version. How’s that for true to the book? My only other beef with the 1971 version is this: why wasn’t Sammy Davis Jr. the candy man? You’re right, there is no good reason. Makes me sick. Having Sammy Davis Jr. in this movie would’ve completely made up for how terrible “Cheer Up, Charlie” is. I wish I had friends who were oompa loompas, because then they could narrate (in song) everything I did during the day. The other thing missing from the Tim Burton remake of this film is the creepy boat ride sequence. Willy Wonka takes all of the kids he invites into his factory on what appears to be a normal boat ride.  But this boat ride is like a bad acid trip, and Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder) begins singing the creepiest song you’ve ever heard, almost as if possessed by some candy loving devil. “Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a blowin’?”

I love this movie so much, and I’m ecstatic every time it comes on T.V. You will probably never have to buy this movie or The Wizard of Oz because they are always on T.V. without fail. I always think I’ll get sick of this movie but I never get tired of seeing Augustus get stuck in that chocolate chute, or watching Charlie and Grandpa Joe drink fizzy lifting drinks and float, or hearing the words “Violet, you’re turning violet, Violet!”

Warning! This movie is only to be watched while consuming mass amounts of junk food, it’s impossible to get through otherwise.

I made a bold statement that there are no good German food restaurants in L.A. in my last post, and I meant it. But. Then I got a call on Saturday night from my friend Nicole, she wanted to go to an Oktoberfest celebration in Torrance (which is just south of L.A.) and then I remembered! There is good German food in L.A.

In Torrance! At the Alpine Village, a touristy little spot that has an amazing German restaurant, and fun shops clustered around it.

I had been here once before but could never find it again after I went my first time. But let me tell you, they had some mighty fine food! I got my usual swine braten, with a heaping plate of spatzle.

Going to Oktoberfest here was a bit different however, there was this giant tent a circus would be envious of put up outside of the village for the festivities. And they needed it, it was packed! There was no traffic going down the freeway (a feat for L.A.) before getting to my exit and then right as I was getting off the freeway, the roads were jammed. All cars full of people going to Oktoberfest! Since there were this many people there, the entire night was full of waiting in lines.

We waited for 40 minutes to actually get in, then half an hour for beer, and another half an hour for food. People started realizing that the beer line was taking a ridiculously long time, so people bought as much beer as their arms could carry so they wouldn’t have to battle that line a second time.

The food was good but they didn’t have the wide variety of selection that the restaurant has. Just wursts. But I was fine with that, nothing like a good wurst to go with your giant stein of beer. I like my beer dark so I got a dark Spaten. Scrumptious!

Despite all of the lines, I still enjoyed myself, it was crazy loud and you could barely hear the polka band, but I heard enough to do the chicken dance. I was going to go up on stage when they announced they were going to do the chicken dance, and only the women were allowed to come up on stage and shake their rumps (represent the girls). But when my friend and I got up there, one of the guys working the event said we had to leave our beers, and he points to this table where all the gals on stage had left their beers unattended. Gross! First of all, there is probably a 90 percent chance you won’t even get your own beer back (cooties), and your leaving your beer alone in a tent full of thousands of people (I like my beer roofy free, thank you very much).

It was Oktoberfest, but L.A. style. Nevermind that Oktoberfest is over by now in Germany (way to go Americans).

The Mama’s and the Papas dreamt about it, the Beach Boys surfed in it, and I love it. California!

I moved around a lot when I was younger, my dad was in the Air Force, and there was no constant scenery growing up. I saw it all. When we moved we wouldn’t take a plane to where we were moving to next, we drove cross country. And let me tell you, there is a lot of corn in the Midwest. Miles and miles passed before my eyes through the back window of that mini van. One summer we moved from Virginia to Arizona, and we stopped down at Disney World for about a week. What do you mean Florida isn’t on the way from Virginia to Arizona? Hey, it was worth the few extra miles.

No matter where I lived, my family visited California about once a year. Both sets of my grandparents lived in San Diego, so we would visit them on some major holiday. I fell in love with the state. San Diego is amazing because of it’s beaches, Sea World, and the best Mexican food around in Old Town.

I remember the first time I came to Los Angeles, I think I was around seven, and the thing I couldn’t believe the most about the city was that the freeways had four lanes on each side. This seemed gigantic to my small town eyes. I didn’t really get back to L.A. again until I was twelve and moving into the suburbs of this giant city. L.A. has become on of my favorite places in the world, but I remember the first time I laid eyes on Hollywood. It was a dive! Since then, it has cleaned up a lot. That, and I think I have adjusted from a small town mind. I thought that when you came to Hollywood there would be casting directors on every corner waiting to give you your big break. Nope, just a bum or two. I thought I would bump into a movie star every where I turned. No such luck.

I live in Hollywood now, and it is the coolest place I’ve ever lived but not because of the things I just mentioned. The city has a lot of energy, there is always something exciting going on. I am a block away from Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, two blocks away from the Hollywood Bowl, it is so surreal! And there is more to L.A. than just Hollywood. L.A. is huge! Whatever you’re looking for you can find here. Except good German food, trust me, I’ve looked everywhere!

There’s downtown L.A. where there isn’t too much nightlife like the downtown in most major cities. Mostly it’s where people go to work, and then after work they go to party elsewhere. There’s Echo Park and Silver Lake, hip little towns that have great little shops and cafes. It’s like Greenwich Village in New York but on a budget. There’s Hollywood like I mentioned, I know I’m biased but I think it’s the best part of L.A. There’s the San Fernando Valley, home to the ever famous valley girls. Then there is the Westside of L.A., home to Beverly Hills, Bel-Air, Brentwood, Santa Monica. This is the classy L.A. If you like a little culture in your life, spice it up by heading down to Koreatown, China Town, or Olvera Street. I’m almost out of breath and I still haven’t mentioned every area within Los Angeles. I’m telling you it’s huge! It’s the second largest city in the U.S. people!

In California you can go surfing and go snowboarding in the same day! Where else can you do that? It’s a magical place full of so much, and I’ve only been talking about Southern California, Northern California is amazing too!

San Francisco is always fun! You can get some tasty sea food down at Fisherman’s Wharf, or hang out with some hippies in Haight Ashbury, or catch the amazing view from Golden Gate Bridge. San Francisco has a lot of really great Irish pubs too, there is a lot of culture in this town! It’s a really hip and happening city but there’s a lot of history too. I am sad to say that when I visited San Franciso, I missed going to Alcatraz. You know I wanted to see where Al Capone was kept. P.S. never evade your taxes. San Francisco is a little trippy for me, because the actual city looks like it’s frozen in time. It seems like the city hasn’t changed a lot since it was built. Yes I realize that there was a major earthquake and a fire that changed a few things, but the city seems like it has held onto a lot of it’s early charm. Don’t be fooled by the way it looks though, this city is very progressive. After visiting San Francisco, I read a lot more about it, and this has only made me want to go back more. There are a lot of things that I wish I had seen. Did I mention that I wish I had gone to Alcatraz? I never made it to the Castro either, which I definitely want to see after watching the movie Milk.

I could go on about California all day long, It is the second biggest state in the Union you know. I am constantly finding out more and more about how great it is, I’ve been reading this book called Laurel Canyon: The Inside Story of Rock-and-Roll’s Legendary Neighborhood ( a neighborhood in Los Angeles) by Michael Walker. I actually got to hear this author speak a few years back, and I rushed over to Barnes and Noble as soon as he was done. This book is all about what he considers Rock and Rolls most famous neighborhood. It talks about Frank Zappa, and his experiences living in the canyon. The Mamas and the Papas, while they were there. Joni Mitchell, the Byrds, Buffalo Springfield, Crosby, Stills, and Nash. You name it. The book even talks about how the Charles Manson murders completely shook the Canyon, and because of these violent crimes, people began locking their doors for the first time in years. This book talks about famous music venues around L.A. in their prime like the Troubadour, and the Whisky. You’ll want to move to Laurel Canyon right away. You’ll want to move to California right away!

California is so great, Lucy and Ricky of I Love Lucy moved from New York City all the way to Hollywood just to be a part of the glitz and glam. I love the episode where Lucy and Ethel steal John Wayne’s footprints from the courtyard in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, I think about it every time I walk down Hollywood Blvd. and pass the famous movie theatre.

California has it all, something for everyone. I guess the Eagles were right about California when they sang: “You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.” And, why would you want to? It’s California! And I’m hooked.

Guinness makes my Irish roots sing.

I am not much of a drinker but whenever I step into a pub and I see Guinness on tap, I can’t help but partake in this dark, frothy delight. Guinness is a dry stout sure to put hair on your chest. Some cannot handle its strong, and bold flavor. I, however, am not one of those people. When Guinness touches my tongue, it’s almost as if a magical sprite is dancing in my mouth. Yum.

I hope that someday, my world travels will take me to the Guinness Storehouse in Dublin. This is where the magic really happens. It houses the Guinness fermentation process, you can take a tour of the entire Storehouse which ends with a complementary pint of Guinness. Not like any tour that you have taken before. This isn’t the only fun of the tour. You learn how to pour Guinness, and how much Guinness is too much Guinness. I know, it’s hard to believe that you can ever have too much Guinness, but once that lamp shade ends up on your head you’ll think again.

Ever heard of a Black and Tan? What about a Half and Half? These are two other tasty drinks in which Guinness is a part of.

A Black and Tan is a combination of Guinness and Bass. A Half and Half is a combination of Harp and Guinness. These drinks are made with a special spoon so that the Guinness sits on top of the other drink. Why does Guinness sit on top? Because Guinness is king! Harp is pretty awesome too, okay so is Bass. But Guinness is king!

Guinness. Is it possible to love it anymore? I don’t think so.